The Story

It's not that Brandi Carlile's music is the only music that speaks to me. Most of it is made up of simple lyrics and basic chords, but there is an honesty that comes from her voice that makes you connect with the music. It just happened to find its way into my life at a time when I was looking for everything she sang about. Now I am not saying that had JayZ somehow found its way into my ipod, I would have had quite the reaction, I just think that things happen for a reason, and try and point you in a certain direction.

I had actually been listening to her music for awhile before I ever even looked for concert dates. It was Jesi who put the whole idea into my head, and once an idea is planted, I usually find a way to do it.

We were on our way to Austin, full tank of gas, some caffeine in hand, some psychology homework, a book light, and a Brandi Carlile mix on the ipod. My sister and I had driven across Texas many times before, but never in April which is apparently deer season. I have never seen so many red eyes peering out from the side of the road. Luckily we were in my sister's Jeep Liberty and we were confident that we could survive should Bambi decide to dart in front of the car.

We made it into Austin by about 4AM and found the Motel 6 we had made a reservation at. I have stayed at many Motel 6's. It is usually our motel of choice when traveling cross country because while it may not have the flashiest accommodations, they are clean and budget friendly. Well, not this one. It had jagged rusted pieces of metal protruding above our heads on the bed, apparently where the head board was once attached. The bathroom had one towel in it and the room had a strange smell to it. It reminded me of a bad motel in a slasher film.

While I would normally go voice my complaints immediately, I was exhausted and we were only using the room to sleep for 5 hours and have a quick shower since check out was at 11AM. Five sleep filled hours later, we arose and checked out. First things first, we needed to find the location of the venue so we knew exactly how to get there. We found 5th street easy enough and while trying to decide where the best place to park would be, we stumbled upon a tour bus parked by the side of the building.

Jesi and I went into freak out mode. There was a parking lot right across from the bus. We parked and watched. My sister really didn't know who Brandi Carlile was, she was just being a good sport and driving us, and I must say that she put up with our insane behavior like a champ. After going up and down the street, passing the same bars at least a dozen times, asking for directions, only to be told that we were on the right street and the Parish was right over there, somewhere.....we finally found it. The name was painted on glass about 6 feet above the entry way in size 10 font. After going inside, very quietly, and sneaking a peak into the bar to see if the band was practicing (they weren't) we took off back to the car.

"Let's walk by the bus!" Jesi and I deliberated and I don't know why, but we were almost scared to walk by the bus. My sister was growing tired of walking and ended the debate by starting to walk up the hill, by the bus, while we debated. So we followed behind her and as soon as we started walking, 10 feet in front of us, the bus doors pop open and out walks Ms. Carlile herself. She looked at us and smiled and kind of half way nodded. My sister stopped to lean against something and fix her flip flop. Jesi and I had the same bewildered look on our faces that we had at Tucson. We continued to climb the hill at a feverish rate and round the corner, at which point we squeezed each others hands and did a happy dance.

"Why didn't we say anything?"
" We should have said something!"
"She must think we are crazy!"
"Where is Kendra?"

Just then, Kendra rounds the corner. "My feet hurt, are we going back to the car?"

"Kendra! That was her! That was Brandi Carlile!"

"Oh, I thought maybe it was" she laughed a little, "I totally talked to her, I think she's still down there lets go back." But we looked around the corner and she was gone, bus doors closed.

"What! OMG! Tell us everything! What did she say? Was it amazing!" Jesi and I were like 2 girls at a slumber party prying details out about someone's first kiss.

"She just said 'hi' and I pointed at you two and said 'these two are making me crazy' and she laughed a little and then I followed you up the hill."

"OMG she laughed, does she think we are crazy stalkers now?"
"I bet she hates us"
"What else Kendra! We have to know everything."

After repeating the same thing to us another 2 or 3 times, we finally calmed down enough to get back to the car. We took off to a mall to meet up with an old friend of Jesi's. We had a few hours to kill. After poking around at the mall, we decided to just head back to the venue, after all, we should get there early before parking filled up. Wehad to park in front of that bus. Doors wouldn't even open at the show until 8, but we wanted to get there at 7 since it was general admission. As we headed back to the parking lot across from the tour bus, our excitement level began to rise again.

"I can't believe we saw her and didn't say anything."
"OK, if we see her again, we HAVE to say something."
"Definitely."

We crossed the street, back to our hiding spot at the top of the hill, we paused briefly and started walking knowing the likelihood of her popping out of the bus again was slim. We were slowly walking past the bus when a champagne colored SUV pulled up in front of the bus, all four doors flew open, and people started unpacking instrument cases from the back of it.

Holy cow. It couldn't be. It was the whole band.

Brandi, Tim, Phil, and Josh were standing 5 feet in front of us. I think we just froze. They all waved to the person driving and then ran down the alley and into the back of a building.


"I can't believe that just happened"
"Why didn't we say anything?! Again!"

We managed to collect ourselves and made it to a bar. Had a few drinks and then went to wait in line. We were outside for an over an hour and the line grew longer and longer. The show had apparently sold out, good thing I did will call tickets online.

Finally we were let in. Jesi and I bee lined it to our spot, left side in front of Tim. This venue was basically a bar with a stage in it. The stage was less than 2 feet off the ground and all their instruments were crammed together, it was nothing like the Tucson show. Most people went to the bar to start drinking, but a few other Brandi followers claimed their spot around the stage and waited. Gibb Droll opened for them again. He is an amazing blues guitarist and friend of the band. Later that night while we waited to get an autograph from Brandi we talked with Gibb for a bit. He is the ultimate musician, singer/songwriter guitarist extraordinaire, and completely humble.

Then the band came out.

I could have grabbed Brandi's leg, she was so close. The show was even better than the last. There was a genuine "crazy" drunk girl who kept screaming in the middle of sets, kept trying to push her way up to the stage, and bought Brandi a beer. Brandi jokingly said "Oh I don't know, you might have put a rufi in this...I might like it!" We all had a good laugh but that girl was going to get my elbow in her eye if she tried to push in front of me one more time. The genuine crazy girl made us feel a little better about just being slightly obsessed but not full fledged crazy.

They did an impromptu version of "Fortunate Son" to which she had the lyrics in her hand, just in case, and by the end of the song she had crumpled the paper and threw it to the ground, clinging on to the mic stand and screaming,

"It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no fortunate one,
It ain't meee, it ain't meee, I ain't no fortunate son, no, no, no!"

She closed with her signature closer, "Hallelujah" I have heard at least 6 different artists cover this song and I can honestly say that she does it with more conviction than even Leonard Cohen. If you don't listen to any other song she sings, at least find a live performance of her doing "Hallelujah". It still brings me to tears, everytime.

The show was over and people were asking the techies for set lists and pics, I however, had seen where the crumpled piece of paper with the lyrics to "Fortunate Son" had landed and was able to get that. People were waiting around for her to go sign stuff at the merch table. It was only 12AM and by my calculations we had to leave by 1AM or Jesi would miss her exam. Still, we waited, we wanted to be one of the last people in line. We had to make up for Tucson and the bus.

While we waited we made friends with some other Brandi fans and instantly bonded over the "crazy" drunk girl and how we had all had a part in stomping on her foot or elbowing her in the face at least once. We exchanged email info and they gave us the website of the unofficial fan site were they all mingle online.

We hopped in line and realized that "crazy" was in front of us. I must say that Brandi deals with "crazy" girls like a champ.

"I tried to get you a beer. Can you do 'Eye of the Needle'" To which Brandi responds, "Oh that was so long ago, I don't even remember but maybe next time" She signed something for her and even took a picture with her.

It was our turn, again. Don't screw it up. This time we had our camera. We were ready.

I started it off," Hi, we were at the Tucson show. We came from El Paso"

"Oh yah, how'd ya'll like the show"

"It was amazing" we both chimed. She had finished signing our stuff and there was a line of people still behind us. Finally Jesi spoke, "I just wanted you to know what your music has meant to me" Brandi stood completely listening, "I went through a lot of stuff last year, and you literally saved my life." Jesi began to cry, "I just think you should know that your music has had an impact on me and I'm sure other people too, and I didn't get a chance to tell you that last time, and I just wanted you to know..."

She was trying not to cry more and Brandi looked as if she might cry too and said,"well thank you, you are just breakin my heart" She was completely genuine in everything she said. The line of people behind us could have been a thousand people long and she still would have taken the time to talk to Jesi. "Well you helped me through a lot and I just wanted you to know what your music means to me," Jesi said with a smile and I quickly interjected "How about a picture?"

Everyone else's photos had been taken with Brandi leaning over the merch table, but she made her way around the merch table and gave Jesi a full on hug. Then we took pictures, thanked her again and made our way outside.


Kendra had been in the Jeep for the last 45 minutes waiting for us. She had sent us a text message saying that the 'boys' in the band were at the bus loading it. We had bought vinyl copies of The Story which Brandi signed and we were feeling bold so we ran across the street to say hello to the twins.

The twins, Tim and Phil, were feverishly loading the bus with about 5 other people, running in and out of the building. We managed to get the attention of one of them, I couldn't tell you whether it was Tim or Phil because they are identical. Jesi asked,"would it be completely obnoxious if we asked for your autograph" to which he replied, "Hell no! Come over here!"
We talked with Tim for a few minutes and he called his brother over.

"So where are you all from?" We told them about driving from El Paso and that Jesi has an exam in exactly 10 hours and how we were at the Tucson show and just had to see them play one more time. To which Tim remembered "Oh yah, you girls were in the same spot at the Tucson show, right?" We only half way smiled, "Yes" trying not to seem like "crazy" girls.
"Well it is the best seat in the house" Tim said with a big grin on his face. They wished Jesi luck on her exam and told us to drive safely and we ran back across the street to Kendra who was smoking,"you got to talk to them for a while, that's cool, come on we have to head out, tell me about it in the car." We must have babbled on for an hour, reliving the entire night, how incredibly humble and down to earth Brandi and the twins had been, about the drunk girl, about our new friends we met, and about the large lesbian turnout at her shows.

Jesi passed out shortly after that and I followed. Kendra woke me up in Van Horn not able to drive another minute. I took over and we got Jesi to her exam with 30 minutes to spare. She didn't actually study in the car, that was the plan but due to the level of excitement, she never really did. Jesi got a 90, the highest test grade she had ever received in that class. We like to think it was the Brandi gods divine intervention.

All in all, Jesi and I would watch Brandi and the band perform live 10 more times that year. The Brandi gods would intervene a few more times, and send us on an adventure that took us to Seattle, Portland and back to the great southwest.

When I look back on this state of star struck delirium that Jesi and I were in, I can't help but think what Kendra was thinking and being thankful that my sister hasn't given me more shit about it over the last year. My coworkers are not as forgetful and love to joke about multiple restraining orders against me and me quitting my job to become a groupie. It's all in good fun. After all, I could be known as worse things than 'that girl who loves Brandi Carlile'

The bunnies that almost didn't

I first met Jesi at work about 4 years ago. We traveled in different "circles" at work and do in part to some workplace dramatics we had never really talked a whole lot. Until one day, I wondered over to the music department and we struck up a conversation about childhood cartoons and how they were finally being released to DVD. We were both disappointed that we couldn't find the Wuzzles cartoon anywhere, that wonderful Disney cartoon with animal hybrids like, Bumlelion, Eleroo (elephant/kangaroo), and my favorite Hoppopotamus (hippo/rabbit). After making a childhood cartoon connection, we discovered that we both loved Brandi Carlile and in a few months her new album The Story would be released. Deciding to stop hanging out with coworkers outside of work was one of the best decisions I have ever made. It eliminated drama from both my work life and my personal life. Jesi is the only person I made an exception for.

A few months down the road...it's Friday, Easter weekend and Jesi, myself, and my mother are driving to Tucson to stay with my mothers best friend. Jesi and I had 2 tickets to see Brandi at the Rialto Theatre on Saturday night. We were so excited that we got there 2 hours early and sat outside in line with about 5 other people who were as excited as we were. The line grew steadily and finally we were let in, we rushed inside, not sure of what the set up would be like. Brandi is a rock star, surely there will be some sort of barricade between her and us? Nope. We settled to the center left side of the stage and promptly crossed our arms and leaned on the stage, staking our territory.

We made friends with the very nice asian fellow who was standing dead center, with a camera in hand. He told us that he had been to the last 5 shows, starting in Portland, then LA, then San Francisco, the San Diego, then Phoenix, and now here. Apparently he had met Brandi a few times because she will take pictures after the shows and sign stuff. Darn it, we had left the camera in the car because of the "no photography" sign outside, but our new friend (who's name I don't remember because I am horrible with names) said that he would gladly take a picture of us and send it to me via email. I remember quietly joking with Jesi that this guy was a crazy groupie/stalker. Oh how the tables would turn.

I am not proficient enough in the english language to even begin to describe the intensity of the bands performance, other than to say it was life changing. Go youtube Brandi Carlile and see for yourself - start here http://www.youtube.com/user/snowshoe80 - the woman who shot these is a crazy woman who we finally met at a Portland show. Yes, we have crossed multiple states to see Brandi and band, but now I am getting ahead of myself....

The show was over and Jesi and I almost fell to the floor, it was an emotional high, and now we were going to meet her. I'd say about half the people in the audience had no idea who Brandi Carlile even was and were only there because it was Saturday night and they had nothing else to do. The other half were completely stoked that she would be signing autographs afterwards and ran to get in line. Finally our time had come, our new friend was waiting behind us to take our picture with Brandi, and we were completely star struck.



I couldn't even speak. I can only imagine the stupid look we must have had on our faces. Brandi looked at us, waiting for us to speak, and all we could do was hand her our ticket stubs to sign and finally one of us (I can't even remember which one of us it was) stammered,"We came from El Paso to see you" to which she replied,"well I drove from San Diego to see you," at which point one of us either motioned or possible stammered about taking a picture. We got a quick picture snapped, I think Brandi said hope you liked the show or something to that effect. Honestly, I was so in awe of her that my brain just couldn't process any thoughts or retain anything that was said. Jesi was the same way, we joke that I had to usher her away from Brandi.

We sat out in the parking lot just watching the tour bus comings and goings for an hour. We replayed the whole set list, which parts we loved, how we couldn't believe how amazing the whole experience had been. Bare in mind that Jesi is the daughter of a musician and spent the first 10 years of her life traveling with her fathers band who opened for the likes of BB King and Bonnie Raitt. Even outside of her fathers shows, Jesi has an extensive amount of live performances under her belt, and even she was having a mindgasim at what we had just witnessed.

The next morning we had Easter brunch. It was Jesi's first Easter that she had not spent with her family. We haven't done anything on Easter since I was about 10 years old, but Jesi's family still to this day dies eggs and spends the day together. My mother and I left the house while Jesi was in the shower to get plastic eggs, candy, and bunnies for a make shift basket. We surprised her with an egg hunt and for a moment I remembered what it was like to be 10 again.

It is very difficult to hide eggs in a xeroscaped lawn. In the end it's the thought that counts the most.

We named our bunnies Brandi and Carlile to commemorate the weekend. Brandi bunny is a permanent addition to my dashboard and Carlile floats around Jesi's car too.

As soon as we were home, we myspace stalked Brandi and discovered that the band had a show in Austin on Wednesday night. Austin is only an 8 to 9 hour drive. I say only because I drive across Texas at least once a year to visit family and friends, so I am use to doing 12 hour drives. We needed to go to Austin. We needed to see Brandi again and explain what her music meant to us. How it had helped both of us get through some very personal experiences. We had to redeem ourselves from the complete "Duuuh" moment that we had in front of her in Tucson.

I had to work both Wednesday and Thursday. Jesi had an exam Thursday morning at 8am. The show is in Austin at 9pm, probably won't get out until midnight, then an 8 hour drive back, we'd both be exhausted already, then Jesi's test...it just wouldn't work out. But what if.....

Itunes starts playing Brandi and I get a text message from my sister, she's just been fired from her job. Well nothing gets you out of the just-got-fired blues faster than an impromptu road trip to watch an amazing band. I made a quick phone call to work, after 5 minutes of bargaining, begging, and pleading my shifts were covered. Jesi could study in the car, Kendra and I would drive, as long as we left Austin by 1am we could get Jesi to her test on time.

It was a crazy plan, but it just might work....

Music fortune telling

I was introduced to radio fortune teller by a good friend of mine. We would often use the radio to help make small decisions about where to eat- Taco Bell or Wendy's? Since we live in a city that has 2 spanish stations for every english one, we ate at Taco Bell a lot.

I have been a book slave at a retail store for 4 years. While the job is by no means what I want to do with the rest of my life, it has created some unexpected ripples in my life. It was during work that I heard Brandi Carlile for the first time. Her voice belted out overhead as though she were singing to me, about me. I actually stopped working and just stood listening for about 5 minutes before I marched over to our music department and bought the album, a self titled debut, Brandi Carlile.

The music itself is not over produced, the lyrics are simple, just a couple of guitars, some drums, some bass, and a cello, but there is something more that you can feel when you hear her sing. I flipped through the cd insert to read lyrics and see who had written them, then it clicked, she had written most of them, along with her fellow bandmates, Tim and Phil (who are identical twins and gorgeous). The threesome had been together for a few years now and this was their first album on a major record label. Brandi Carlile is more the name of a band than the woman who sings the songs. There is no diva in this woman, just a girl who loves music, and two boys who don't really care that she is the face of it all.

While this album was helping me heal old wounds, it was also healing someone else I worked with and had never really spoken to. It wasn't until a little over a year later that I would become great friends with this person and we would take a road trip that changed both our lives. I would soon find that Brandi on cd is nothing compared to watching the band live.

Yesterday I decided to delete my myspace account. I sent out messages to the friends I actually still know with my email address telling them I was deleting the account and to keep in touch via email. From the few responses I got, you would have thought I told them I was cutting off a limb. "OMG why would you do that?" "NOOOOOOO!" and my favorite "I hope you lost a bet or something"

Honestly, it was nice to see what people had been up to and I loved when someone from over a decade ago managed to find me and "friend" me. But I was only friends, in real life, with maybe 10 of people. I suppose I am old fashioned in thinking that true friends will write you an email every once in a while filling you in on the details of their life or God forbid, pick up a phone and call you. Instead we have been reduced to posting "comments" like - "hey! you need to stop by more often, quit my job, tell ya about it later" or those annoying ultra glittery "hope you have a great weekend". I found myself spending hours, literally hours, toying around with my layout or myspace stalking celebrities. (I am not proud of that last one)

I think we have all become detached from actual human contact. I know there are people who would argue that this is the next wave of communication and is the way of the future, and if that is really the case then we are in for a sad existence. We are 2 steps away from talking to fake people on a giant wall in our homes, running down pedestrians for fun, and burning all of our books. And if you have no idea what book I am referencing then I have just proven my case.

I don't really need to know what your favorite books are, or what your favorite television show is, you could love the X-Files and still be a complete a$$hole, it doesn't mean we should be "friends" on myspace or anywhere else. If you really are my friend then I already know your favorite television shows, the books you read over and over, the music you can't live without, and we have probably shared at least one of our hopes/dreams with each other already.

I've been detached from myself for awhile now. I lost my way somewhere back there and now I am just trying to get back on track. Writing was always theraputic for me. I am going to spend the extra hours I get back writing or being a better mother to my dog.

I love to meet knew people, so don't think I don't appreciate comments or take them to heart. I find complete strangers to be more honest than most of my friends. Maybe somewhere down the line we will be friends, but until then I won't be leaving you any glittery comments. Feel free to drop me an email though.

darcyroo@gmail.com

So many things unsaid

I miss him. I never had him, but I miss him. I have a perfect idea in my head of what it would be like and as annoying as it might have been, it still seems like a grand time. Coffee in the morning; myself silently reading the paper and he reading a book. A philosophical exchange of words that borders on an arguement and then wraps around to a kiss. An embrace. A connection.
It is so hard to find that connection. It is not something that you can search out and make happen. It happens on its own, unbeknowst to you, until one day you find yourself thinking of the future as you never did before. Fall.

As quick as you find it, it is gone. There is no slip away, no slowly, no gradually, just gone.

Two people who live in reality find it again.

Our greatest fault, not broken promises, not petty differences, not the weight of too many expectations, but rather the inability to escape our own versions of reality. The weight and measure of reality. Really though, its only for our own protection. Maybe it is only me, but I find a comfort in thinking that it is you too. Tied up and twisted, is never how we will feel, no wave, no crash.

If I never speak your name again, then maybe, just maybe I can find someone else who makes me feel half the way you do. But that, in all honesty and reality, is impossible.

I wanted to believe...

What a disappointment XF2 was. I'm just going to lay it out there, it sucked balls. Chris Carter had 10 freaking years to perfect that movie and it looks like something they slapped together the week before they started shooting. Ugh. No more talk of things that disappoint me. (We could be here all night)

My mini vacation was life changing. Izzard opened my eyes to the fundamental belief we should all have- each other. After a drink, some swag, and a few hours of laughter, I left the Orpheum a little more knowledgeable and a little less likely to go to church. If we can't believe in the goodness of ourselves then we really are screwed. 

My horse ride was wonderful. Three days later and I am still sore, my right arm is a lovely shade of red from the severe sunburn that I got (but at least the swelling went down), and I want a horse of my own even more than ever. Bella (pronounced with a -ya not -la) gave me something I forgot I had - a belief in me. You might be able to fool your coworkers into thinking you know best, even when you doubt it yourself. You might be able to fool your family into thinking you have everything under control, even though you feel like your spinning out of control. You might even be able to fool yourself into thinking you are "ok", "alright", "I know what I'm doing", but you will never be able to fool a horse. Take a long hard pause before you jump on the back of that animal, that beautiful creature can read you better than you can read yourself. Horse therapy should be a requirement for all psychological treatment. Skip the shrink and the couch, head over to your local cowboy/horse healer/robert redford and ask for a lesson. It will save you thousands and thousand of dollars in medical bills....although you will probably start up a hefty bill with the local feed store/veterinarian/stable when you decide you want your very own.  

I've been doubting myself lately and thanks to Bella, Izzard, and someone I once loved, I've gotten a little piece of me back. I don't know where exactly I am headed, but at least I have started moving. 

Let's get this thing started

I am taking a mini vacation this week. Two days of Eddie Izzard, a date with a horse, then the grand canyon and right back home. Kind of a crammed together last minute vacation. No Brandi Carlile this time, but horse back riding is all I have been dreaming about for the last month. Let's hope it is as life changing as I want it to be. 

It's kind of a bad week to be taking vacation. The season premiere of Mcleods Daughters is this wednesday and I will be without a computer until Saturday. Hopefully by then some lovely soul will have uploaded it onto you tube. 

The X-Files premiere is on Friday and I had planned on having a party and a sort of high school reunion, but I will be somewhere near the grand canyon so there goes that plan. At least I have a date on Sunday with one of my favorite persons to go see it. 

Well I was going to post a video of the teaser for McLeods Daughters but blogspot is being a jerk and I have to finish packing. 

I promise an awesome blog on Saturday. I will be sleep deprived, high on a McLeods fever, and probly drinking some wine. See you then.