So many things unsaid

I miss him. I never had him, but I miss him. I have a perfect idea in my head of what it would be like and as annoying as it might have been, it still seems like a grand time. Coffee in the morning; myself silently reading the paper and he reading a book. A philosophical exchange of words that borders on an arguement and then wraps around to a kiss. An embrace. A connection.
It is so hard to find that connection. It is not something that you can search out and make happen. It happens on its own, unbeknowst to you, until one day you find yourself thinking of the future as you never did before. Fall.

As quick as you find it, it is gone. There is no slip away, no slowly, no gradually, just gone.

Two people who live in reality find it again.

Our greatest fault, not broken promises, not petty differences, not the weight of too many expectations, but rather the inability to escape our own versions of reality. The weight and measure of reality. Really though, its only for our own protection. Maybe it is only me, but I find a comfort in thinking that it is you too. Tied up and twisted, is never how we will feel, no wave, no crash.

If I never speak your name again, then maybe, just maybe I can find someone else who makes me feel half the way you do. But that, in all honesty and reality, is impossible.