Feeling it

feeling |ˈfēli ng |
noun
1 an emotional state or reaction : a feeling of joy.
• ( feelings) the emotional side of someone's character; emotional responses or tendencies to respond : I don't want to hurt her feelings.
• strong emotion : “God bless you!” she said with feeling.
See note at emotion .
2 a belief, esp. a vague or irrational one : [with clause ] he had the feeling that he was being watched.
• an opinion, typically one shared by several people : a feeling grew that justice had not been done.
3 the capacity to experience the sense of touch : a loss of feeling in the hands.
• the sensation of touching or being touched by a particular thing : the feeling of water against your skin.
4 ( feeling for) a sensitivity to or intuitive understanding of : he seems to have little feeling for art.

I stopped feeling a long time ago. It's been so long that I don't remember the last time I really felt. Anything. It became so easy to switch it off, that I just stopped turning it back on all together. Is it too late? It still seems to leak through somehow. In the wee hours of the morning, when I am alone, when I am the only one who can see it. I'll remember for a minute or two. His fragile words, laid out so quickly, not carefully, not planned, just honest, and my first thought. Just shut my eyes.

I can always shut my eyes. When I wake it's off again. Let's just pretend.